My Wedding Queries

Why can’t a woman visit the husband-to-be’s house just like he does? Is even stating such a wish considered to be so evil , a joke, that makes her look like a cheap selfish egoist? I received many answers for this query, but the funniest was “um. I guess because, no one does that”. The most romantic one involved, “ooh , it will feel so special to enter that magical house for the first time in your wedding dress”. The more realistic answer was how that movement from the girl’s side will not get her any respect in the family she is going to. Then let me ask again- why does a woman who visits the husband-to be’s house with her family, gain no respect from the groom’s side?
Wait, continue reading. Because here I finally ask a bunch of questions that has been eating me alive for the last couple of years, about the many uncanny, tacky, unwritten “customs” to be followed pre wedding, at the wedding and post wedding.

1)      What is the use of invitation cards in an era of emails, e-invites, Facebook events and ahem telephones? Why do people make such  a fuss on inviting everyone to a  wedding with these cards, that is nothing but waste of time, energy, paper and money that just goes to the dustbin at the end of the day? Seriously why all this outcry on not being invited in person, with family and all? An invite is an invite people, be it by paper, phone call, email or Facebook invite! 
2)      Why oh why do most people even feel so uncomfortable in a bride going out before the wedding? Why do they think a girl should be in house arrest for at least a week before “The Day”? She too has a social life and commitments you know.
3)      What is with the concept of Nikah being conducted without a girl being present there? I don’t find Islam saying anywhere that the bride should not be present for the wedding day. Is’nt it supposed to be a special day even for the bride? Why can’t she sit next to her father during Nikah and not in a corner among the audience where she is all dolled up or worse inside the deeper parts of her house not even caring the fact that , that very moment she is getting married? How do people even find that normal?
4)      Don’t get me started on the questions I have on the amount of jewelry and the dress the Bride apparently must put on that day. What is so comforting about being under heavy sets of pearl, diamonds or gold along with many “fancy jewelry, all day long with nothing but sweat dripping on all that glittering money spend? 
5)      Why do people think that calling the groom by name or treating him like your equal, is gasp so disrespectful? Apparently man is created with some superior ego whose satisfaction is every woman’s duty- or at least that is the justification I hear for that!
   6)      Lastly, why do people conduct marriages anyway? To celebrate two families coming together or because they simply want to please the entire relatives and community with the amount of wealth they have? Is it really necessary to have Indian and Chinese cuisines, three or four deserts and also give more special food to the groom’s side?

There are many more questions with really ridiculous answers- at least for me. These are my questions for the many marriages I had attended in past years. And now I demand an answer for it all or at least pray and hope that when it is my turn, things will be all different- devoid of all this. Is that a lot to ask? You know, somewhere inside me, I also hope that at least  for my peace of mind , one day I will be like this society and can then scoff at some ambitious girl who is brave enough to question all these hoping for a change. 

Comments

  1. Unknown18 February 2015 at 11:33

    A friend of God must be generous like a river. We all get water from the river to quench our thirst. It does not discriminate whether we are good or bad or whether we are a relation or a stranger.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous13 March 2015 at 11:32

    !!Assalamualikum rabeeha! Since the day I have landed on this land I have got the same questions and there is just bleak silence left as an answer. I have seen my cousin dying and sweating with heavy jewellery inside the pile of flowers up till her head. And there's no sense when groom's parents say no demands. I have seen a lady here saying to her son if u dont accept bike, car, money, furniture from brides parent I will not forgive u. Huhhh! Culture is just here kachra and nothing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Azna Parveen30 April 2015 at 14:42

    Slaves to society. That is what we are.
    Some one dares to do it different, then they better not show their face anywhere, because they are the new gossip meat - the disrespectful bunch.

    ReplyDelete

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