The Day I Had an Epiphany

The day the light dawned on me... I day I changed my ways and followed a new path...was not when I Became a palliative volunteer. It was many months after effortless homecares, nursecares, long determined rallys, daily meetings and tiring camps, and those fund collections that made sweat a regular visitor that I had an epiphany of what a huge hypocrite I am.


Being a volunteer is no easy task. I grew out of those awkward first meetings with patients, learnt how to show empathy and not sympathy, got out of that "OH MY GOD, that is an ugly infection, is he going to die" phase. I learnt to keep my emotions in check and put on a smile and cheered up anyone i had to. Don't get me wrong, I did all these things because I did care, I did want to do my duty.

And then recently it hit me hard like the stone of David hit Goliath. It came in the form of my classmate's death. Athira's death. She was diagnosed with blood cancer two years ago. Her family took her to Trivandrum,away from all our eyes for her treatment. Yes you guessed it. She was a sweet book-worm, the hope of her parents, always cheerful even at the face of death. Its always such people who go first.

Her death left an empty space in my heart. No, not because she was a close friend of mine and definitely cause I have never seen such a death before. Simply because I, who claimed to be a palliative volunteer, I who always jump at the chance of a homecare, never even called her once since the day she was diagnosed till the day she took her last breath.

I can give a lot of excuses. She was far off, her parents did not like us to call them, I was busy with my life, my problems and oh yes busy with palliative works. But I am not going to. Mainly because I can't. Her face distorted by the treatment shrouded in white with the teary screams that echoed all around me spelled out that there is still something I need to change. To actually keep in contact with all. Maybe a simple sms or a missed call. I need to make sure that I keep track of the people I care about. I needed to be a palliative volunteer with not only momentary compassion but by maintaining a friendship with every human being I am close to, by taking time off from a busy schedule and just ring up a person to ask how they are doing, by staying in at home one day and surprise everyone with a homely meal, by kissing my mom and dad and letting them know I love them.
 


The day I realised that was the day I really became a Palliative Volunteer.